Can't sleep, have to get this off my chest

From her point of view it can very well feel more like someone is infringing on the individuals right to have a medical procedure rather than sexism. Yes, pregnancy is bio gender specific. Yes, because of this so is abortion. Is it sexism? No. Is the decision to have a medical procedure up to the individual? Yes. Is it unfair? Hell yes.

If I want to have a biological child I am forced to go through 10 months of my life belonging to someone else, my life being dictated by something else or I have to pay a surrogate and a fertilization clinic huge amounts of money and go through medical procedures. A man has to spurt in the right hole, or cup, at the right time. That is unfair.

In terms of discussing something that biologically is a medical procedure only one biological gender can have done to them I do believe it is up to the people of the biological gender in question to have the voice on that. Having ones ethical beliefs extend to the individual rights of another person is not okay, I think you can agree on that. In terms of genetic ownership this would mean your parents still own you. And if you bring out the individuals right to their own life, again... the woman. A woman that has to alter her lifestyle, go through hormonal changes, go through 10 months of what can be anything from less than pleasant to hell in order to finally arrive at hours of excruciating pain that may include large tears being torn in her genitalia while she defecates in front of people and a possibility of long term issues with incontinence when she sneezes, laughs or coughs. Who gets a say on that?

And here is the issue. Women often go on the defence about this. There is so much more to a pregnancy than just baby grows and baby pops out that women do have a tendency to, instead of explaining why they believe their right trumps yours just say you cannot have a say because you are a man. It is an emotional issue. I get horrified just thinking about what a bio woman goes through during those 10 months including the culmination and the risk of long-term damage.
We are talking about something that, unless we had such advanced medicine in our more modern societies, would mean a death sentence to a large percentage of women.

That makes women emotional. When humans get emotional we do simplify and overreact to "You are a man, you cannot get pregnant, you cannot have an abortion, you do not get a say in that" instead of rationally listing the problems with one genders attitude to the other genders right to have a medical procedure.

(At all times in this post "gender" refers to biological gender, even where not specified)

Have you just asked her why she removed you... since I think that is your complaint even more so than your right to your particular stance? Sometimes the bridge isn't burnt, just splintered....FB unfriending is easy to do as a knee-jerk reaction, but it's also pretty easy to fix, if you want to.



Also, I think Graphite said it very well.

All I am saying is that not everything on facebook is meant to be a debate, and if it happened there it may just as well have been her venting frustration about a politician that is doing something a lot of people will get emotional about. A lot of people do it, including you and I and then things get into a huge tiff from there.

The question is, was it already a debate when you got involved, or was it venting? You do have a skill for turning things on their edge, and to a lot of onlookers who do not know you this can seem highly antagonistic. Same as my husband.

One way of getting rid of some of the emotion and resolving the issue is to flip the situation and look at it from the opposite perspective while also considering ones own role in the matter.

The question is, are you angry with your friend for not standing up for you? Are you angry at your friend for agreeing with another friend in an emotional situation? A lot of women are of the notion that if you do not have a uterus, get out of it. I understand this is a huge issue for a lot of women who do face things such as the possibility of harassment, false abortion clinics, and male legislators and religious leaders having control over their reproductive organs. It is emotional. I have been lucky enough never to be in the position of needing or even needing to consider an abortion, because if I did I would be terrified for all of the above reasons.

While we are all supposed to be rational we have to consider this. While others are allowed to voice their opinion in how depression and anxiety is really just a case of moping, being blue and needing to pull ones self up by their own bootstraps I would not trust their opinion of it unless they are:
1. A person who has lived through it.
2. A person who is educated in the issue (psychologist)

And I would definitely not let their opinion hold much water if they were physically and medically incapable of even ever suffering from depression and anxiety.

It is kind of like letting a person with CIP have a say regarding pain management.

That is how a lot of women think regarding abortion. It is like listening to people with CIP going on and on about how pain should be managed in the rest of the population.


The reality are there are 3 possibilities.  I came in to her post, commented on something unrelated to the topic, and was attacked, so I attacked.  My attack could have offended her.  I then essentially walked out of the topic when it got to heated, pointing out how I found the argument to be sexist.  However she responded after that, she didn't defriend me then, it wasn't until later, after I posted, on my own page, how such sexist arguments are one reason I would defriend someone.  I assume that was the reason, and part of my eventual confrontation will be to know for certain.  Which leads to another point, who I am upset at and why...I'm not upset at anyone.  I am hurt and insulted by her actions.  No matter the reason I felt that we were/are close enough that she would have respected me enough to tell me she was defriending me, and why.  Then, if my assumptions are right I'm disappointed in her.  I always respected her because I felt she was willing to consider other opinions.  I then start thinking back on past discussions on her FB page that got out of control...she sided with another friend because she agreed with her (no biggie), the attacks got personal, and she scolded me while saying it is both of are faults.  She asked me to tone it down, and clarified that didn't mean not to be silent.  I'm starting to think to how I was her only friend that would have an opinion different than hers, or at least express it...it makes me wonder if she is one of those people who truly wants to live in an echo chamber.  Granted, much of this is based on assumption, but if that assumption is right, I don't know if I would have any respect left for her...and that upsets me.